danmachifandomcom-20200223-history
User blog:Kevhunt06/Sword Oratoria Volume 12 Personal Thoughts and Things I Think Could Have Been Done Different
As come at no surprise to anyone at this point I do not like how'' Sword Oratoria volume 12 was written. While I have a large issue with Bell saving everyone in the spin off, there are other parts that I had thought would play out differently than they did, build ups that weren’t used. Honestly I think the author could have done much better than he did. I would actually call it a betrayal of my expectation as I believe Oomori is better author than what was shown here. Keep in mind that by and large most thing that make it into a story are writing choices on the part of the author, though sometimes influenced by their editor; hopefully in the interest of helping the author improve his or her story. Somethings will always be necessitated by the plot and for the same reason certain things should be impossible, this becomes more defined the longer a story goes on. I’m going to cover several different parts of SO 12 and several plot and narrative details spanning most of the ''Sword Oratoria series up volume 12. I will also be writing in certain points that I though were going to happen that. I am hesitant to make this essay as I have not actually read SO 12 and am basing my knowledge entirely off of Angelo’s synopsis, however as many users have said they think that the resolution of SO 12 and the Enyo Arc is well done is enough for me to write this regardless, because this once I’m going to say it isn’t. These are my opinions and views based off of my experience of reading and studying literary craft as a hobby, I enjoy learning how story craft works. However, ultimately it is an authors’ choice what they wish to write and they should write the story they want to tell; picky fans, overbearing editors, and shortsighted publishing houses be damned. But in the extreme off chance any of this ever makes it to the author perhaps he can gain an insight or two. Part One: Bell?... * Plot convenience While I was somewhat surprised that the author decided to progress the time line a week to allow for Bell to participate, this was, even just based off of the sample iconography, an obvious throwback to his original plot for SO 7. Hopefully a sensible reason was given for Dionysus to wait an entire week for the Loki Familia to be ready to counter attack again. This was a fairly obvious piece of plot convenience to allow for Bell to be present during the crisis. Bell being the only one who know anything about world history was contrived at best. If nothing else one of the gods should have been able to figure out the possibility of the Door of Heaven. This isn’t a story ruining problem in and of itself, but it is something that has cause a large amount of confusion for many fans about the time line to the point of contesting when or where it should have taken place, even thought the author explicitly states when it happens. And realistically it didn’t serve a narrative purpose for the'' Sword Oratoria story. Having him save the day at the end badly damaged the punch line and narrative, especially given that there is no build up and tension centered around Bell. Note: Honestly it would have been better for story integrity if Bell was left out completely. Consider if someone only read Sword Oratoria, they would be wondering what the hell the author was trying to pull. '''Part Two: A Heartbroken Elf' * Pre-scenes and symbolism (Pre-scenes are a writing method used to foreshadow a scene to come by having smaller version of a more important scene that comes later. Symbolism, Ais’s black flame is a symbol of her hate desire for revenge, something that symbolizes something in the story) Character need to develop, Lefiya’s tragedy was a great point for that to take place for both her and Ais when she was catatonically depressed. This is something I actually thought was going to happen in this volume based off of certain happening earlier in the series. In volumes six, eight, and nine Ais makes an attempt to help a different friend in each volume with the guilt, pain, and/or grief despite her trouble excommunicating, only to have it blow up in her face and end up hurting her instead. Tione’s pain and guilt over her past and being forced to kill her friends in volume six. Bete’s guilt and grief over the death of the people he has loved and cared about and the pain of never being able to protect them in his own eyes in volume eight. And Bell’s guilt over what happened to Hestia in volume 9, this one lost a lot of potential punch with poorly placed fan service and comic relief. The above is what in many stories would be considered pre-scenes, an event or events foreshadow a larger or more important one to come. While Ais may have trouble understanding positive emotions, she picks up on negative ones just fine. Even if she can’t identify them precisely. Ais desperately wants to be able to help here friends and in someway lessen their suffering. With Lefiya there is no question about what she is going through, and Ais understands exactly what she is feeling. ---Below is what I thought was going to happen--- This was an opportunity for Ais to finally realize her desire to help lessen her friend’s suffering, and could have been used for her to develop as a character and grow as a person. Even with her limited speaking skill. Having Ais just sit next to Lefiya, working up the courage to talk to her, dealing with her own turmoil of having to give into her own darkness and hate to beat Revis and stop Enyo. Wanting nothing more than Lefiya to not become like her to not give into the Black Flame. Finally working up the courage to tell her that she understands. That she know what it’s like to lose the people you love most. Leyifa in turn responding saying how would she know. Refusing to go, Ais for once finally takes a risk, telling Lefiya that she watched her parents die. Asking Lefiya to please not become like her and she will be there if she needs someone. The change in Lefiya wouldn’t need to be much, it’s enough to start eating again and at least respond to her friends. Ais has never opened up to any of them about her past, Lefiya would understand now just how hard and painful that is for Ais. This was a point that their friendship could have deepened and for Ais to take a deep personal risk that she has been trying to avoid. All the while dealing with there inner turmoil of becoming something that part of her is terrified of. The change doesn’t have to be ground breaking, that isn’t how things work anyway, but something anything to let readers know Ais really is developing as a character. It would still be better if Loki would give Lefiya the reason to once again take up arms rather than Ais. ---End--- Part Three: Ais v. Revis * Hero opponent relationship / Hero villain showdown '' Often writers and literary critics will say that the most important supporting character in a story’s web of characters is the main opponent. For Ais that was Revis, but their relationship never culminated in anything at the end, Ais didn’t learn anything or change because of there final confrontation. The general view of the opponent is that they want the same thing as the hero and they are the character best suited to attack the hero and force them to grow. Revis is trying to find Ais mother, who Ais desperately wishes to take back. They have several incidents in which Revis refers to Ais as her mother casing Ais to at one point fall into an extremely dangerous depression. This is a good basis for a hero opponent relationship. What I don’t like here is that it is the sound of Bell’s Grand Bell Argonaut that stops her. I think some relation, some similarity between Ais and Revis would have allowed for greater impact. As well as giving Ais a conscious choice that she doesn’t want to become the monster. And I think there was a much better way to do that than what was done while still allowing Bell to takes some importance in that revelation and change. The next part will cover the actual fight and culmination of Ais and Revis, while part five will deal with Grand Bell Argonaut and the major resolution of the arc. '''Part Four: A Knife Knossos' * Chekhov’s gun, pre-scence, irregular description, and character development (Chekhov’s Gun is a principle that states a detail included in a story should be important to the story. An Irregular Description is something described in a way that draws extra attention to an object or trait. These are both common forms of foreshadowing used to signify events to come) There is a certain knife that was lost in Knossos that has yet to play a part in the narrative as well as an indestructible sword that takes damage from its immensely powerful owner. Something that I believe is lacking badly in both the main series as well as the spin off is development of the hero of each respective story. While given the length of the two the development has to be drawn out over many volumes it still seem practically non-existent. We see character growth (becoming stronger) but not development (developing as characters in the narrative). I covered some character development in part two, this will be on what I had believed the major development could have been. Since volume one when Ais takes Desperate in for maintenance I believed she was going to destroy the sword a some critical juncture. Having an indestructible sword that has to have repairs is just to uncanny to not expect it to have some importance later, especially given that the loaner was shattered after just a few days. ---Below is what I thought was going to happen--- In her fight with Revis we see Ais struggling to deal with her own hate and having to choose whether or not it is the only way she can realize her wish. It was nice to see her struggle with her decision and lying to herself that her parents would approve all the while her inner-self is begging her not to go through with it. Using her hate she is seemingly able to viciously beat up on Revis for the first time, but her sword is taking damage and breaking. Having Desperate shatter as the climax of the fight symbolizing the self destructive and self defeating nature of hate could have been used to force Ais to confront the truth that her parents would never have wanted her to go through all of the pain and suffering she has gone through. As Revis begin beating and injuring her she realizes that her hate has led her to the place she is probably going to die. As she starts to see the memories of her friend, Riveria, and her parents she feel an crushing desire to be able to see the again, but she knows there is no way left for her to win. Beaten and battered by Revis she crawls away, trying to stay alive. As Revis stalks, giving a we’re a like monologue, up to her Ais notices for the first time a certain red knife laying right in front of her, Bell’s knife, not knowing why it is there but knowing who it belongs to she recalls the times she has spent with him wishing to also get to see him one more time as well, remember his calming influence and unwavering white flame. His will to push through anything. As Revis winds up for the deathblow Ais grabs Ushiwakamaru-nishiki calls her mother wind and defeats Revis with the very technique she once taught Bell. ---End--- Part Five: All In *'' Final Battles'' (Final Battles are a special point in a story, or in this case a major story arc, it is the culminating point of everything that the characters have learned and experienced up to this point, to showcase their developments in the narrative and personal change) Having Bell save everybody and their cousin was an absolutely terrible writing choice, Sword Oratoria ''isn’t about him and should not be used to spotlight him. Especially given the author’s claim of not needing to read the spin off for understanding the main series. Having Bell use Grand Bell Argonaut (GBA) as magic morale and prowess booster took away from the build up of the narrative that is central to the characters of this story, especially Finn. The only people who have every even heard GBA were the people present on the 18th floor during the Black Goliath event. The only thing anyone would have heard during the war game was chiming and there would be no guarantee of that. Also there is the whole massive underground complex thing, if everyone was able to hear it I feel sorry for Raul and his team with their blown out eardrums and bleeding ears. Bell can be there to help but he doesn’t get to steal the show. ---Below is largely a rewrite of the actual event--- A few thing could have been tweaked to help the narrative flow better for this. For starters attacking all of the Demi-spirits at once could have easily been written so that they could have focused on two or three instead. Basically they believe they need to break a magic circuit so that Orario can’t be destroyed by the Door of Heaven. Anyone who has ever read anything about military history knows you don’t split your fighting strength up anymore that you are absolutely forced to, maximum force at the enemy’s center of mass. Since having everyone in one place gives Finn to much force for the sake of the narrative, using the fact that they are fighting in Knossos and racing the clock to have the area they have use as a battlefield be to small to support more than about a third of the current fighting strength. Rather than sending small weak groups after every Demi-Spirit have two powerful groups, one under Finn and another under Gareth, moving to break the circuit as fast as they can and one more under Riveria and Ais hunting Revis. Ais will still get separated, as will Bete, Lefiya, and a few of the team they are attached to. A group searching for the hostages, we’ll say Bell and friends are attached to Raul group here, Welf can even off handedly say maybe Bell will fine Mino-tan. And lastly the Xenos group also assaulting a Demi-spirit. The final fight with Filvis seemed fairly well done other than Haruhime. Any intelligent opponent is going to figure out she is boosting the levels of the fighters and someone as powerful as Filvis is just going to b-line straight to her and kill her. There would be nothing any of the level threes could do to stop Filvis once she broke through Ryuu and Aisha. One of the problems with having ridiculously overpowered opponents, especially and intelligent one, is it always brings plot armor to the forefront when the good guys are getting tossed around like dolls and somehow don’t lose. Another thing is the late in the game reinforcements, this was stupid, either have them there from the start or not at all. It’s the end of the world for god sake, having them show up at the last second isn’t cool when they were sitting on their hands to begin with, it just makes everyone look like idiots. Greater combined fighting strength when everyone is fresh, someone might make an argument that it is a good idea to have reserves but that doesn’t apply to this situation. There would still be appoint where thing become desperate, but the more competent our heroes are the more tension when despite their best efforts thing just aren’t going their way. But instead of GBA, Finn inspires everyone to keep fighting push just a little harder. Need inspiration for an inspiring speech? Pick up a history book there’s hundreds of them. Or even just look up Babylon Five “Battle of the Line” speech, god knows there’s plenty of examples of hair raising speeches in works of fiction also. After figuring out the truth about Nidhogg and breaking the Door of Heaven circuit Finn and Gareth along with whoever is still in fighting shape with them quickly moves to kill the dragon. In a show of Finn’s personal growth, he along with Gareth decide to stop Nidhogg even thought it will mean their death. At this point Riveria, Lefiya, Bell and everyone else race to get to the last fight in time to make a difference. Combining Riveria’s, Lefiya’s, and Bell’s (not GBA) most powerful attacks along with everyone else buying time the combined force of everyone still available defeat Nidhogg. ---End--- '''Part Six: Narrator Honesty' There is a principle in fiction where the narrator, especially a third person omniscient narrator, is never supposed to deceive the read. This was massively violated in Sword Oratoria volume 11 and 12. We are given a view of Dionysus’s personal thoughts in before his apparent demise and as an excuse for this deception the narrator wants readers to believe that he got himself drunk to trick himself into being a loving god. This is not how getting drunk works, when someone gets drunk they loses self control to varying degrees, if someone is trying to maintain a lie drunk is the last thing the should do. In volume 12 we receive a cryptic monologue about someone who doesn’t know the true Enyo. Given that this turned out to be Filvis and she is completely aware of his plans this was a blatant lie. The author was so hell bent on trying to fool the readers that he ended up lying and becoming an unreliable narrator. Unreliable narrators is generally reserved for first person narrators. Foot Notes: *Yes there would still be two or three Demi-spirits left at this point the way I have it set up, but no longer having Enyo, Nidhogg, the Door of Heaven as well as being immobile and deep in Knossos they could defeat them in detail out of scene. *Instead of the nap scene in the epilogue Bell gives Ais Ushiwakamaru-nishiki. And then I don’t have to be irritated that Ais never carries a sidearm. *One of the reasons I prefer having only a few battle groups each led by an experienced leader versus six all commanded by Finn is that this is not how any competent commander would work. They can’t know the reality of the battle at each location, operational commander have to rely on field commanders to be able to do their job. Operational commanders can direct grand tactics (that is actually a term), reserves, and logistics; but they still have to rely on the officers on the spot. Category:Blog posts